June 25, 2017

GeCome or GeGone?

Dear Diary,

Dis is High-in-the-Field, and I tell you, dear diary, I enjoying dis questioning. I just came back from dis PacMan Committee who checkin’ out how we spend de money we get at GeCome. Like dey forget I is an ole army officer and was trained to not break down under interrogation! I also train in misdirection, since dat is a basic military manoeuvre.

Remember when de Auditor Marshall tell me to explain how come we buy $100M worth of radio equipment – but never used them? Well, how de arse I could use dem when none of dem ever wuk? Anyhow, I tell he dat I does report to de Pacman Committee, not to he.

And when de PacMan people ask me about de $100M radios, I tell dem de Auditor Marshall checking into dat!! And dey fell for it!!

Den dey ask me why I bruk up de 8 contracts for paper and ink all less dan $15M! Dear Diary, imagine they ask me why I didn’t send the whole $90M contract to Cabinet? They think Cabinet woulda done things different? They crack me up!!

I just did it like dat because in de army we learn that those officers above us must always have “deniability”!!

And deh had this nonsense about dat $6000 pliers. Schuups! Do dey think an ordinary pliers can open dose ballot boxes to slip fake SOPs into dem?  We need de right tools for our job!!

But, Dear Diary, I am surprised de Opposition wasting all their time submitting lists for the GeCome Chair. Dat Chair already fixed!! And really, it just doesn’t matter.

Dey just appoint me to be in charge for another three years. Till 2020, Dear Diary. An’ I still got my special pliers!!

GeGone!!