June 27, 2017

Rum Jhaat photo gon appear soon

De new year only just start and it look like people gone back to de same old habits arready. De old done tek over de new. One man seh he gon stop drinking fuh de new year, and that he gon stop at 12 midnight on Old Year’s Night.

Well, de year start wid he drunk and since then he ain’t sober yet. And it ain’t de Nagga Man, although he also ain’t sober up yet, just that he ain’t (and would never) mek any resolution like that.

Who ain’t fightin and killin one another, drinkin and drivin and then killin one another. One man fight in Mahdia over a woman and now he gone under de Earth and leff de other man to be both under and over de woman.

De Pullice at least puttin de photo in de papers of dem who tink dem can drink all dem want and drive wid all de speed dem want and kill whoever dem want. Hope when de Pullice also get ketch wid rum in dem mouth, dem photo gon also appear.

On Old Year’s Night a Pullice officer stop a vehicle on de road by Cuffy Square and give de driver a breathalyser test. When de driver ask de Pullice to do de same test, de Pullice seh we could both put every ting to de test down de road by a sign board or up de road by Brickdam.

After de driver seh he prefer down de road by de sign board, de Pullice officer wuk done fuh de night, and de driver ain’t reach home till next morning empty pocket. And both of dem pass ‘on’ de test.

It musbe a miracle how Rum Jhaat ain’t get ketch fuh de whole of 2014, when fuh de whole year he been drinking a whole set of rum and then droppin home a whole set of people before goin home to mek a whole set of trouble.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Just look out fuh Rum Jhaat photo this year.

This riggnin thing gone too far

When de Pee-N-C party decide to change dem name, de first time dem put on just a “R”. People wasn’t sure why dem do that. At first, dem seh it mean “reform”, but de only ting dem was reformin was how to get re-elected all de time by thiefin de elections from de Pee-P-P and from de people.

But thankfully, eventually every body realise that the “R” was fuh “riggin”, although it was since in Burnt Ham time that de Pee-N-C was involved in big time riggin by diggin. That is, diggin up dead people name and puttin dem pun de voters’ list.

Well, de Heights man come pun de scene, he become a even bigger rigger than Burnt Ham. Leff, right and centre was sheer riggin. In fact, if de Heights man had live a lil longer, wid de rate at which he was goin, de whole of Guyana woulda been votin fuh he.

That is, accordin to de riggin rate whah he had start up wid right after Burnt Ham dead. Some body seh de other day at de Pee-N-C Con Gress that if de Heights man hadn’t join Burnt Ham down below, de voters woulda even out number de whole population by now. That was how high de Heights man coulda reach.

So now here come de Harmy man Green Jah pun de scene. By this time de Pee-N-C was even doin trainin fuh show people how to rig. And Rum Jhaat and de Nagga man was de first two to attend de full programme.

At least Green Jah hands was tied because he coulda never get he hands on de big prize. So he do de next best ting by riggin he own elections and diggin out Linden and Plaisance from de whole ting. Even de wise man Solo man couldn’ta find word fuh describe whah happen.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Well, wid de CPL final over de weekend, people now wonderin if Green Jah also do any trainin fuh de Bajan vampire who umpire de game. This riggin ting gone very far!

Joe does talk before he think

Joe de Hard Mouth fella ain’t only gotta hard mouth. He gotta big mouth too. Very big, if yuh ask dem folks down by Church Street, not too far from de National Library, right wheh people does go and pray. But Hard Mouth does ignore that de name “Church Street” is fuh a reason.

It gotta lotta other words to describe Joe mouth. But it might be a too big mouthful fuh this column alone to print. De Hard Mouth man is always de one who always talkin some ting. Even when he ain’t talkin, some people does seh he talkin.

Not too long ago a reporter expose de whole plot. One newspaper seh Hard Mouth seh and when de reporter call, Hard Mouth seh he never seh. De newspaper man had fuhget to call Hard Mouth ahead of time, or Hard Mouth had fuhget that he was supposed to seh that he seh whah ever de newspaper seh.

It ain’t got no need to even bother to ask whah de newspaper name. If any body wanna hear whah Hard Mouth seh, or what he ain’t seh, just pick up that same paper and it gon seh whah Hard Mouth seh or supposed to seh.

And somehow Hard Mouth can talk bout any ting under de sun. If is finance, Hard Mouth bound to talk. If is roads, Hard Mouth gon seh some ting. If is garbage, Hard Mouth done seh something.

Most people does tink before dem talk, but Hard Mouth is a back to front man, so he does talk then tink. Old people does call that puttin de cart before de horse, although in this case it ain’t got nutten to do wid cart or horse.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! After all, is only de other day Hard Mouth open he mouth and tek on a challenge to a debate. It was only after that, that he start to beg fuh de relevant information…but long before that he had done come to a conclusion!

Some people woulda never survive under Burnt ham

In de good book, one man sell out he soul fuh a few pieces a silver. Since then, no body ever wanna take that man name fuh dem self. And no mummah and daady would ever name dem pickney by that name. That is how shameful it is when a man sell he soul fuh a lil small change.

Nowadays people does still sell dem soul fuh a lil small change, although dem does never wanna accept that dem behaviour is just like de man who name begin wid “J” in de good book. Or sometimes even wuss than that.

It got some people in de town who got some real stupiddy people around dem. Some a dem is even de boss man. Burnt Ham never used to like stupiddy people around he, and every body know that. If some a dem stupiddy boss men was around Burnt Ham, dem woulda never survive.

It got one poticlar boss man around de town. If he had ever come across Burnt Ham, he woulda get knock down right away. Some people used to try hard fuh tolerate this boss man, but dem couldn’ta tek it no more.

Wid Burnt Ham, yuh coulda never have stupiddy people around de place. If yuh tink that is lie, ask people nowadays who wuk wid he. At

Free Link Shows in town

Is not very often yuh does get a chance to see and hear so many jokers around in any one place fuh so much of de time. But Guyana is a place that got nuff a dem. And GT de garbage town got most a dem. Yuh does have to pay to see de Link Show jokers and dem does be actin.

But from de Parliament to de rum shop to de car park to de pavement – is every where does have a lil Link Show goin on. And yuh ain’t got to pay fuh see that. And dem people in this Link Show ain’t actin either.

A reporter seh de Link Show attendance drop this year. That is exactly why. Yuh don’t have to watch Robbin Son alone to get a good laugh. Just walkin round GT de garbage town is good enough. Better yet, as yuh walkin around, drop in by S*ity Hall some time.

As soon as yuh drop in, yuh gon drop down and laugh till yuh belly buss. Is sheer real life jokers in deh. That is a different kinda Link Show. No body ain’t actin in deh. That is business as usual. Any meetin is just like watchin de Link Show. Starrin Green Ham, Green Case and Roy Stone.

Next year, if Robbin Son wanna mek more money, he ain’t gon have to pay any actors and he ain’t gon have to pay any rental fuh a run down Hen-C-C. He could just announce a fee and charge people to enter de S*ity Council.

De S*ity Council can’t even do a proper budget. De Mayor-fuh-Life wanna bring more jokers pun de wuk. But dem ain’t payin dem any jokey money. And de garbage whah dem gon leff in GT de garbage town ain’t no joke.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! A few steps down de road does be another Link Show whenever Parliament in session. That is also free, starrin Green Bridge, Rum Jhaat and Donkey Man. Best actor is Rum Jhaat, who does also give free shows at 7-Owe-4.

 

Every ting mash up

Guyana gotta history of mashin up every ting since de days of Burnt Ham. In dem not so long time days, Burnt Ham mash up de guvament and he mash up de people. He had try to mash up de Pee-P-P- too. When that didn’t happen, Burnt Ham mash up all de elections so that he coulda stay in power to mash up whah ever was still leff to mash up.

So de mash up mentality deh round a long time now. Burnt Ham mash up de railway and bring in Tata buses. Tata buses get mash up. Burnt Ham bring in school buses to fetch dem school pickney. School buses get mash up too.

Now de pullice tek a cue from that and dem mashin up all de brand new vehicles whah dem get. Dem so accustom to mashin that dem mash a fella all de way near de hairport and then mash another fella and mek he jump up high.

Even whah suppose to be Republic Day get mash up. Nowadays every body just wanna mash up pun Republic Day. So de real reason fuh Mash Day get mash up. No wonder people wake up this morning and find every ting mash down.

Green Ham look mash up and de whole of GT de garbage town look mash down. But Green Ham look mash up a long time now, ever since de Heights Man mash he down. De only ting ain’t mash down is de garbage. Instead, that buildin up.

De Cee-FAT-Fella come and mash up Green Bridge and Rum Jhaat. Dem was de two who was mashin up from Harry Wrang to Harry Right bout some kinda money bill. That is why de Cee-FAT-Fella come in de Mash season.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Even Gayle come back from injury and get mash up again. Then Hire Land come and mash up de Waste Indies, but Waste Indies mash dem back. Now de U-19 team get mash up. And de Women’s team get mash up too!

 

No Gel Rum Jhaat got them own plan

Most people does have a plan most of de time. Some people does plan to do good and some people does plan to do evil. From de time lil pickney get big, dem does plan. Dem does plan whah dem gon become, whah dem gon do in life, wheh dem gon live, and even who dem gon marry.

Plus, it got some mummah and daady who does plan fuh dem pickney. Dem does plan from de day dem pickney born to de day dem gon dead, as if dem done know who gon dead first. And pickney better not fuhget that plan, otherwise is big rigmarole bout de plan.

Even de guvament gotta plan. Right now dem plannin de budget. But de bigger plan whah dem wukkin on is how dem gon pass de budget. That is because de opposition got a plan too. Green Jah, Green Bridge, Will Yams, and Rum Jhaat done plan to cut de budget. Even de Speaker does speak like he got de same plan.

And talkin bout Rum Jhaat, wid that plan in mind, Rum Jhaat had done plan to buy a scissors to cut de budget. But de See-J end up cuttin down Rum Jhaat plan to size. After that, Rum Jhaat end up wid another plan.

Rum Jhaat like de new plan more because it done wukkin out better. De plan is to go to 7-Owe-4 seven days a week from seven o’ clock in de afternoon to four o’ clock in de mornin. That was why Rum Jhaat plan was not to go to any anti-money launderin meetin, much less budget meetin.

According to Rum Jhaat, he done budget enough fuh 7-Owe-4 and that is de only budget meetin whah he like. And Rum Jhaat ain’t plan to cut that 7-Owe-4 budget any time soon. If any ting, that budget gon increase wid every bottle.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! No Gel had a plan too. But he plan was to thief footage from de police, bribe a juror, tek Site Global money, and tek way a school buildin!

De Queen not coming but she sending a baton

De G-Owe-A announce that de Queen baton comin to Guyana, and as soon as Dew Man and Pill Grim mek de announcement, some people start to jump fuh joy, although it still got another two weeks to go before de baton reach de s*ity of Green and garbage.

On de other hand, some people start to holler and bawl. Then dem start to cry. At this early stage, no body ain’t sure if dem who happy, happy fuh de Queen or fuh de baton, or both, or happy that de Queen sendin a baton.

When Harding hear that all de way in Jamaica, he apply fuh asylum right away. He tell No Gel Hugly that de pullice bringin another baton fuh he all de way from England. And Harding remember he mudder tell he that tings from England strong and does last long.

That alone mek Harding never wanna come back to he home country and to de s*ity of Green and garbage, especially knowing that he got to land at Timehri, and that is whey de Queen baton gon land, and that is wheh de pullice baton station deh.

It too soon to know if dem who hollerin, bawlin and cryin sad because is a baton comin and not de Queen she self. A lotta people still wanna see de Queen. But it got some a dem who ain’t kay bout de Queen. All dem want is a baton. Dem boys done start to line up at de hairport, and dem ain’t mind if is a midnight flight. De Mook and he headitor goin to meet de baton in Tee-T.

Wid Green in de s*ity, includin Green Case, Green Bridge and Green Jah, some body seh de Queen mighta plan to mek de trip too, because de whole a de Royal Family like every ting to do wid de environment. But is when de Queen realise that all dem Greens in de s*ity is garbage, that is when she change she mind.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Look out fuh all dem who gon tek night-off when de baton reach!

 

Once upon a time…..

Once upon a time there was Brer Anansi. Brer Anansi live a long time ago and dead a long time ago. But old people seh that long ago people does dead and born back again a second time. Not the kinda born again whah dem preachers does talk bout. Dem does come back into a new life.

Well, Guyana got nuff old time people who look like dem dead and come back to life. Some a dem in Parliament. Some a dem in guvament. One a dem is a mayor-fuh-life. Just that fuh most a dem de new life ain’t no better than de old life. It woulda be better if dem never born again. Dem shoulda stay down under de earth.

De big problem is that nuff a dem lookin like dem still dead. Some a dem behavin like livin dead. And some a dem deh round de place like walkin dead all over. One a dem like de mayor-fuh-life got de whole place smellin like dead.

Guyana cricket gotta a Brer Anansi. People not sure if he is one a dem who dead and born back. But dem cricketers seh Brer Anansi got cricket dead. And it ain’t look like cricket gon born back any time soon once Brer Anansi deh bout.

De cricketers hopin that cricket gon born back, but not Brer Anansi. One cricketer seh Brer Anansi does seh one ting and Nancy Dru does seh de opposite. Brer Anansi can’t see whah Nancy Dru doin and Nancy Dru can’t see whah Brer Anansi doin either.

Both a dem sound like old time Brer Anansi story whah grandpa and grandma does tell grandpickney fuh mek dem sleep. Just that this Brer Anansi story in Guyana cricket got every body wide awake and givin dem sleepless nights instead.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And wid cricket dead, is only Brer Anansi and Nancy Dru sleepin. People not sure if to tell dem keep on dreamin or don’t wake up at all! But that is de only way cricket gon born back!

Once yuh deh under yuh just can’t tek over

The word “under” is gettin to be a over used word nowadays. When tings not goin well, people does seh tings goin under. When people not feelin well, dem does seh dem under de weather. When people dead, dem does have to go under. Is only de rasta man dem overstand and don’t over use and abuse “under”.

A man end up in de hospital and he seh it was because de police went under he. A teenager get send away from under dem guards at de N-O-See. Then right away dem police had he under dem near to a market.

When people hear bout that dem thought it was by another market, because a lotta tings does go on and go under by that area. Dem market people seh a lotta people does go under in that area too. Dem seh is some big boys who does go under some other big boys, but all of dem does dress like boys to fool people that dem don’t go under.

Soloman look like he was tryin to send de whole of Linden under. Before that, a man in a Tundra was tryin to fly over de bridge when he coulda drive over, and he went under. Now a man in de Mazaruni de other day jump over a boat and he went under.

England been to play cricket Down Under and as soon as dem land, de Aussies had dem all de way under. De same England now want to join wid Down Under and India to keep de other cricket nations under.

Well, since de 1990s, de Waste Indies, of course, always deh way under. But, just like de headitor, de WI-See-Bee don’t mind tekkin lil money, drinkin lil soup and stayin under de big ones. Now Imrun and Camrun run under.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! De budget case done and de whole opposition gotta big hole under. De whole time, dem was tryin to send de guvament under. But de High Court show dem that once yuh deh under, yuh just can’t tek over!